Why don't you just...?

So, the new Hal Hartley Kickstarter project has been struck down by COVID, notably for health and safety requirements that cannot be met under union laws, which is understandable. Asking for another 100 thou would be against the rules, keeping the money means you have to do what you intended with it or apparently be taxed like a mofo. And if you think any project can just funnel the funds into a brand new project, I believe this is against the TOC for Kickstarter, otherwise you're running by Zack Braff rules, and we all know how that turned out. (There's a stupid Nicki Swift "why he got dumped" video that erroneously suggests he couldn't get funding for the project when he could, but not if he wanted to do it on his terms, which is one reason people got salty).

But one person's ignorant suggestion Hal bring the production to Australia weirdly made me want to inexcusably lash out at them with the litany of reasons that was a dumb idea. Apparently this person knew people and some friend suggested it as, yes, there are big productions happening over here, with big production companies. That people have heard of.  

I fail to believe that if you send a request to the appropriate government area that you would like to bring your 100% indie crowdfunded small production of less than half a million, that they would go, absolutely. Given we have strict provisions that you guarantee a percentage our workers are employed, that you can't just bring your people over and only use them, that would be a major hurdle. How about getting working visas for all your cast and crew, passports if they don't currently have them, insurance of all varieties, (which if it's travel insurance would be costly if you want COVID cover, or probably won't even have that)? All the costs of you bringing your people here would far exceed the cost of safety requirements in the US. 

I really love it when people hear about a thing happening and how easy it was and go, why don't you just... do that? Why don't they just go to Europe, or Canada for that matter, so you can get around the union laws. Or "have you considered" is another one. I always hear condescension and not a well-meaning suggestion. I guess because people have given me a ludicrous suggestion to a problem that sounded so simple to them when it's not for me. And it's happened a lot for me as a creator. I have good reasons not to do what people think is so simple. Because they don't know the problems associated with it. They don't want to read fine print.

There's no need for me to get this angry, but I felt like saying, hey is Hal a director for Marvel/Universal/Insert other Big Name Studio? Is his small company going to provide big bucks for our country like Marvel is for Thor: Love and Thunder? Is your main star Matt Damon and have they got a private location they can use for quarantine, thereby pissing off any other person who's been forced to go through standard hotel quarantine literally because he's bringing in money for us and they're not? No. You'll have to pay for quarantine for all your cast and crew, there's no getting around that. Unless this guy's thinking "sometime in the future", but I don't think so, because he's trying to skirt around reasonable hurdles. It's like emotional bargaining because you're not getting what you want. This suggestion is so woefully unhelpful. Here's just one line I could've quoted: The new Location Incentive will ‘effectively’ increase the Location Offset rate from 16.5 per cent to 30 per cent for ‘eligible large budget international productions that film in Australia from 1 July 2018’ and even then, it ‘can be slow to be granted, and the selective nature of the decision creates uncertainty, which presents a major challenge for productions wishing to use Australia’s locations and facilities.’ So by the time an approval for a grant came through, I'd imagine you'd be okay to film at your original location anyway.

It actually stinks we've made it look "easy" for people to make films here. Our country's always had an issue with elevating our locally made films above the US competition. Apparently three Aussie films finally made it to the top this year but the cynic in me immediately thought, "yeah, well cinema attendance is low and big movies are being streamed more now so maybe you could get more butts in seats for these than usual if people happen to want to go to the cinema".

I don't know. I shouldn't mouth off considering I'm not that well versed in how this shit works, myself. Which is why I didn't hammer out a response, because the last time I tried to make the same argument some twat said he "highly doubted it". I'm like, bitch, do you live here? And I just went oh well, maybe I'm wrong. Someone else is questioning the financial advice Hal received, again it felt more like bargaining with reality than being sensible. I'm sure he's smart enough he's looked at all the available opportunities and made this decision based on sound financial advice as they call it. I'm sure he looked over the union situation and I'm actually relieved he respected this enough and didn't try to circumvent the regulations like other directors have done. Do they realise  a director went to jail for ignoring location guidelines after one of his crew was killed on set by a train that "wasn't supposed to be running on this track". I don't know why I'm pissed it's just when people get like this I get offended that they can't accept reality. It's not even that big a deal, I'm just weirdly pissed about it. I suppose it's because I myself was told to shut up when making suggestions that sounded reasonable in my head, I don't want to attack them, but at the same time, you really aren't helping. It would be such a waste of time to pursue this avenue that'd be better spent focusing on something else.

Cut to late 2023: Though it fell short 50 grand, the new Kickstarter for the film crossed the line in time. I'm glad it's happening but kinda bummed a certain person isn't going to play the same part (I assume... She's not mentioned it at all). I also couldn't justify a pledge over 10 bucks for now. But barring any other BS, it's happening now. So, yeah, I guess waiting for funding to shoot here would've taken as long if not longer.

Why are you married to them?

Netflix is good is marketing its movies. So, I thought Pieces of a Woman would be interesting. It was terrible. It's Marriage Story if their kid died during a home birth.

I thought this was about a miscarriage for some reason. I wasn't paying attention to the 20 minute single shot birth scene, I was playing Stardew Valley while simultaneously cussing this couple and their midwife out for doing a home birth. I have issues with this. But it's the crux of the film, and I didn't entirely hate that it left it vague about the culpability, it was inevitably about the mother standing up for herself and speaking her truth while not being defined by others. Cool.

Too bad she was a cunt, and her husband's a dullard dudebro played by Shia LaBeouf. Okay, he's a dumb, poor construction worker who knows about liability issues concerning falling bridges, does he have to sound like a rapey (yes, he is, I'm not being sarcastic) dudebro. Everything and everyone in this movie were awful on some level, to the point you're not on anyone's side. A rich family wanting to sue a midwife for negligence because they need "closure" while manipulating the grieving mother into testifying because the case against the midwife is airtight is too deplorable, you don't care it's about justice. It's not airtight. The whole point is you can't establish cause of death from any of the details or the coroner's report. Like I said, it's a movie about personal growth (literally her apple seeds don't sprout until she gets over herself). The husband sleeps with the lawyer, has to pretend he doesn't know her and somehow winds up back on coke, and you're supposed to feel sorry for him. The most chemistry we see is him cracking jokes and them giving loving gazes during the birth. A bunch of pictures of them doesn't prove to me they were genuinely in love since they had no chemistry to start with. (Also, I've seen Shia's wang twice now in movies and I feel like he does sex scenes as an excuse to walk around with no fucking pants on). Ellen Burstyn's prestige doesn't really come through here, with a heavily delivered monologue on her personal birth story, obviously described by her own mother. And I couldn't help thinking, oh well, you were a baby and did you ever consider your mother lied or exaggerated? Stating she lifted her head purely because it was a test of strength you consciously made as a baby to encourage the daughter to stand up for herself felt ludicrous, she's got the innocent old lady lilt to her voice but she's horrible as a person. Her family's horrible. Losing a baby doesn't give you an entitlement to be a complete douche. This is probably Shia's worst performance, he's a parody of himself. I genuinely disliked this.

It takes more to convince me you wanted to marry a dick than fridge photos.

The Shyamalsance No One Asked For (originally "you stole my idea")

 

I've probably had that feeling more than a dozen times, more so recently, with the cavalcade of content coming out now it stands to reason ideas will feel recycled, or you or someone else is going to think, shit that mofo stole my idea.

I'm not a fan of M Night (I can see why he truncated his real name too, but I feel like this particular choice still makes him a pretentious fuck). I never liked the Sixth Sense,  I didn't care it was spoiled for me by bad timing, and I wasn't falling over myself to watch his other films. Somehow, he's had somewhat of a resurgence off the back of a couple of projects, Split being one, which I thought was good but suffered from his arrogance, which has become a syndrome.

I don't think he's a brilliant creator. Stylistically some of his visual work is impressive, but this is the man who took The Last Airbender and turned it into a complete fart of a movie that for all its budget looked like a bad live action TV show. And I loved the original Last Airbender, I still do, but I don't watch it often. I don't even agree with the creators having their own crack at a live action version.

M. Night got too much clout for something stupid: Making cool twists. Great, now you're forever the "Twist" guy. You've got to have one in the bag at all times, and I'm not a twist person. I can't execute them well. If you didn't see something coming in something I wrote, then I did a good enough job. You can just avoid predictability, you don't have to "twist" everything. I'm more an ironic punchline person. So, he gets all this praise but his follow-up work finally illustrates maybe he was overrated. Turns out he also conducted some kind of marketing hoax to promote the Village, which I thought was okay at the time but can see in retrospect it made no fucking sense and wasn't a good movie.

And, of course, due to his success he was accused of plagiarism. And despite his arrogance the accusations didn't stick, which they so rarely do. Because one came down to the "you stole my idea of a dead baby being a doll and that's it, you stole it, so you owe me money". Which is no defense. Maybe these people do know of your movie/book/script, they can say they don't and no one can prove otherwise. I think if you find your unfinished book/script that you know you gave them suddenly being mascaraed as their shit, go for the goddamn jugular and maybe think about who you share your shit with in the future. (I hate sharing stuff anyway but it's good practice to consider what you share with people). But if there's no proof and  you are wrong and they didn't know, they can steal your idea. I blame the collective unconscious, and Campbell to a lesser degree, maybe we need to blow up monomyths and come up with something other than the Hero's Journey, it works, sure, but is there another effective way to present a story? I don't know. Just don't think your idea of something is sacrosanct and yours alone, because some ideas aren't that original and it comes down to coincidence - you literally just had the same idea as someone else, and they beat you to the punch, and you're sore. It fucking sucks. Nobody who ever has an idea at all likes to see it stolen in any regard. But we're not talking about patents and trademarks. I'm absolutely sick of worrying about the legalities of creativity in general these lawsuits just annoy me and I'm sort of glad being obscure means I can't be called out. Because you don't see people coming after me when my ideas aren't "successful".

Anyway it doesn't detract from M Night being an arrogant dick and when he gets praise, I get worried we're headed for another Lady in the Water. Plus this series he has on Apple+ looks tasteless as fuck anyway. Oh and here's a hilarious factoid, he did rewrites on She's All That and wrote Stuart Little. For his new project, there's just a bunch of obnoxiously short videos on Instagram. And it's based on a graphic novel. I don't fuckin know. He's not going anywhere, guess we have to deal with the Shyamalsance.