It’s a weird book to read, it’s not remarkable it’s only full of things people normally never see. I don’t even know if a “wrist banger” is a thing. A lot of what I see is audio-sensory issues, along with the dissociation, the absence of linear time, the sense something may have been a dream. I think Wynona should’ve gotten an Oscar as well, she didn’t even get a look-in by then, I thought she did, I can get she may have been salty.
I heard Kesha was denied her keyboard in ED recovery and I think that’s horribly mean, so Polly being disciplined for wanting to play is saddening. Again, if you gave space for expression when desired, people would recover, you shouldn’t punish pain with removal of soothing items. The lens isn’t entirely on a Dutch angle, it’s slightly askew when Susanna comes in. I can’t be mad at Angelina but I don’t appreciate the Tumblr Aesthetic bullshit around her character. We have to look at everything through Susanna’s perspective. Having an Irish nurse is still a thing these days. I tried to be “good” when I still had my marbles it’s hard to be when you don’t. I’ve lost bits, been in dazes, nightmarish ones. Living in a nightmare is all I can describe it as, you can’t wake up or sleep to make it go away. You may as well sit still your first few days so the poor nurses who have to do 15 minute checks can find you. Also, it doesn’t help autistic people when they need to leave a room you get roped into therapy, you’ll have passive aggressive counsellors telling you to stick around and commit to it whether it works or not. (Also, take the laxatives if they offer you them, you WILL need them if you’re on any meds that fuck with your metabolism, unless you’re suspected ED or similar to Daisy, you won’t get them). Also, tonguing your meds won’t work if they give you wafer meds. Also, they won’t indulge you keeping chicken bones under your bed. Just eat the cookies they leave for you, sweetie, there’s free tea and coffee (some reason me microwaving milk at night was a fascination, how I eat my food is a topic of conversation all the time). Unless your parents actually support your illness, don’t keep them in your life and medical consultations. Especially if they’re like Susanna’s. Sometimes your family accidentally adds to the issue, it’s not their fault, it’s better they don’t bring their opinions into it. Also they may actually just chuck a piece of paper at you with your initial diagnosis which will be full of misquotes because they misunderstood everything you said. It still happens to me. Also, they do take you out in public but you have to be at a point of relative normalcy. Nurses also LOVE to play, “I’m not with them” when they take you for walkies around the compound. But I do love the ice cream parlour scene. It’s another movie with those TikTok soundbites that get overused one month then disappear and reappear if someone’s late to the party. Also, I have had someone nod off in front of me, so Susanna talking to a sleeping doctor is realistic. If they’re not sleeping they’re inattentive and distracted easily, I liked to call my first doctor out on that shit. Also, hospitals at night especially the corridors are super liminal. Madness is liminal too.
Clea Duval gets literally no respect. When you do a biopic for Oscar noms it’s often the case you get outshined by the people who aren’t there to impress anyone. I fucking hate Jared Leto but he was so good back then before we all discovered his insane ego. I liked Angelina back in the day, I like she’s not a celebrity who insists on being on camera, but I think her inflated ego got the better of her for a long time. Winona seems more down to earth now.
Susanna’s kinda over-admired as the main character, the boys all love her, she’s so pretty. I don’t think the real Susanna experienced it. I don’t really want to reread the book again, I don’t want to write one either. There’s not that many “feel good” moments. I think Lisa’s needlessly a total bitch as an antagonist, I don’t believe she needed to be that narcissistic. She’s supposedly sociopathic. And yeah, raising promiscuity in women as a fault while it was encouraged in men is sexist. I was sad she chose to stay over leaving with Toby, I think it’s shitty she got sprung for making out with two guys in one day. You can’t make out with orderlies but you will notice patients forming their own sorts of cliques and social groups while judging you for being on the periphery by choice. Also, don’t wear the “lazy, self-indulgent” accusations, they don’t let you leave after those accusations so it cannot be true, if it were, they’d let you out. The very fact Susanna has to demand reasons for why she’s stuck there, why she cannot leave, why she isn’ ready, just for a nurse to reframe it as “oh, it’s all your problem, you’re not crazy”, I’m not even kidding, I’ve had that happen to me. Nurses tried to reframe it as an anger management issue, everyone has issues with their boss, I do, you don’t see me sitting in a psych ward about it. That’s a fucking opinion, it’s not a diagnosis. Deal with the anger but don’t let people dismiss the diagnosis. It would be highly irresponsible of a doctor to hold you as an involuntary patient for no good reason. Valery tells Susanna to write it down and deal with it but Susanna’s been trying to do so this whole time, it’s dehumanising to be detained and then denied a proper explanation. I’ve written it all down and I’m still dealing with it.
This movie does instil a proper narrative to a book that’s more like a series of vignettes. I don’t think the lesbian angle was necessary, someone wanted to see the main characters share a kiss. Lisa terrorising Daisy is sad but poignant, there’s no real recovery, there wasn’t back then, there isn’t really now. Defining recovery is personal.
The shots feel very misty and soft. Daisy killing herself is really to drive Susanna back into hospital and break her from Lisa. RIP Britney, we lost a perfect one and it wasn’t fair. There’s an interesting “high road, low road” shot when Lisa leaves Susanna with Daisy’s hanging body, Susanna curled up in the bedroom doorway upstairs as Lisa callously walks out the front door. I did analyse some of this in university based on one viewing. One thing my experience lent to was adding some kind of perspective in essays pertaining to self and the body.
Also, they won’t let you keep a dead previous patient’s cat on the ward. I get pet therapy is good but honestly letting people bring animals to work or anywhere and they’re not an assistance animal is mean to people with allergies and phobias of animals. Also, you need supports when you leave but unless people are willing to give them to you, you have to force yourself to fit moulds on the outside that don’t suit you. I went back to school for two years then had to be given a job via a very casual interview by the agency who was supposed to find me a job. I think they should have better supports, you kinda get kicked into an uncaring community assistance program if you go in publicly, privately means little too, you think you’re winning by not paying, trust me, I have gone through two separate government funding avenues and have wound up relying on private providers anyway. I don’t think Susanna was personally terrorised the night before her release, the tension mostly comes from the somewhat false narrative as it can do with biopics.
If you’re sane now, it’s a privilege because you’re not noticing reality. If I notice it, it’s self-indulgent and I’m ignoring what I have. Nothing is fair and you should be mad and insane and refusing to conform. And I don’t think this film should have a Teens Choice Award. I know a lot of ED girlies and other mental health girlies probably over-idolise this movie as some kind of ideal they could’ve known instead of what they got inside. I have to put up with people’s perceptions of it as friends and family members of patients, but I’ve been kinder to those who were admitted. At least they know about it. I do know people who kinda glorify this depiction over the reality of it but again, I don’t think they’ve really had a horrible inpatient experience that’s contributed to literal medical trauma and made hospitals inherently unsafe environments for you.
