Me and America - The Last Unicorn Soundtrack

Jimmy Webb seems to hold this weird corner of the music industry where he gets this simultaneous respect and derision, when I couldn't say why him writing about a cake out in the rain was so absurd and deserved of ridicule. His band America wrote one of the most, dark and depressing theme songs for a children's movie. I could blame him for any darkness that seeped into my brain by way of his lyrics that I never fully remembered as a kid. I'd get to watch the Last Unicorn whenever I rented it, but of all the songs that stuck, it was that delightful dirge, In the Sea. And only a fragment stuck there. 

There was a massive gap between me last seeing it as a kid and revisiting it as a teenager. I spent maybe two years borrowing this VHS off people whenever I saw it in their houses, and this was in my audiotape movie phase where I recorded entire movies (nearly) onto a cassette to listen to incessantly, as copying VHS tapes was outside my capability. We only knew one person who owned two VCRs, I think once we somehow had two, maybe my brother brought his back and I was able to copy the Craft while watching it for the first time. Then one miraculous day I was able to find a 10.00 VHS copy of the Last Unicorn. I didn't wind up owning a VCR of my own until I had a job, it was one of the first "expensive" things I bought.

The other thing I had to go through great pains to get online was the soundtrack. This was back when I spent hours at my parents' house using Acquisition (not Napster or Limewire, I had Limewire and somehow didn't infect my parents' eMac with a virus) to download the Last Unicorn soundtrack. I tried to find clean copies as a lot of them were clipped or poorly transferred to digital, but somehow I found them all. I did pretty well with other songs back then, particularly with Soundtracks. But many years later during another nostalgia binge I tried to track down a CD copy for a decent price, and successfully managed to do so despite the cover being cracked to shit.

My point was, the songs Webb provided lyrics for and sang were the most depressing on the album. This isn't a fun, fuzzy movie to put on for little kids, so whoever put it on for me originally (thank you, whoever you are) they probably didn't know the hell they were going to unleash on my family from me being irrevocably obsessed with it. Once you're a grown up (or at least 16), this soundtrack hits you in the feels on another level. I was just listening to the theme and realised it was pretty out there to include a reference to the Morning Star in the words, something my kid brain missed. I think Webb was brought on to really put in whatever depressive tone was needed that another lyricist might not consider.

I also just found out that son of a bitch Seth Macfarlene put a cover of That's All I've Got That Say performed by Leighton Meester of all people on his Star Trek parody show the Orville. If I bothered to watch it and had seen this I'd have gone berko with absolute rage. It's not a bad rendition, actually, but fuck him for making me feel shit and for him even being aware of something that good in the first place. Art Garfunkle also did a cover, and it's very pretty, so clearly this song got to people enough they went to the effort of doing their own renditions. I'd shove this song in front of any Disney love ballad, and I'm not even saying those ballads suck, this is just different. 

I think people do love Jimmy Webb in spite of MacArthur Park (I only know it from the hilarious Simpson's gag). It's not like you were trying to stop this guy from making music, someone gave it a good review and said it had Wagnerian moments, but I seem to remember either Leonard Maltin or Roger Ebbert trashing the soundtrack for how depressing it was. It's one of the best scores of a film and it just doesn't get its dues for how perfect it is. Even now I'm seeing why I like baroque music, why I'm okay with folk stuff and orchestral arrangements. The only good thing about doing proper music theory in high school was getting tapes of stuff I genuinely liked. It sucked we were forced to do stupid essays, I did come away with a better appreciation of classical music arrangement than if we'd gotten to listen to pop songs all period. I honestly think the school found out the previous music teacher wasn't teaching either school's much, but we all loved music class because we got to hang out and play our own stuff. Finding out this was my first class first day of high school, I was thrilled we'd get to just hang out for two periods before lunch with the same lady. Then I was rudely surprised by the new lady and her methods. I only took it for three years since I sucked at a lot of other elective classes and it was just easier to do it while I was forced to keep playing an instrument.

But I digress. Here's a few lyrics from the soundtrack you wouldn't see in a Disney score:

In the sea the fish have learned to fly
On a moonlit night on wings of silver
As the enchanted stars sail serenely by
Do they know where do unicorns go
Where winged horses fly
Narwhales lost at sea and never seen again
Go, go and ask the magpie
Where do unicorns go

 

When the last moon is cast
Over the last star of morning
And the future has passed
Without even a last desperate warning
Then look into the sky where through
Through the clouds a path is torn
Look and see her how she sparkles
It's the Last Unicorn

 

Horizon rising up to meet the purple dawn
Dust demon screaming, bring an eagle to lead me on
For in my heart I carry such a heavy load
Here I am on Man's road, walking Man's road, walking Man's road.

 

Yeah, the guy who had his cake left out in the rain was the perfect choice for this shit. Hats off, sir. I honestly am concerned now what Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas has in mind for the new movie adaptation and play. I don't know if I could tolerate anything but Webb's version.

 

 

 

 

Heather vs Heather vs Heather

I just had a major revelation about Heathers and the three girls in particular that I have to flesh out. There's a subtle moment in the film where we see how devious Heather Duke can actually be when you give her incentive, how clever she is compared to Heather Chandler, the self-appointed leader. Also, the three Heathers actually represent three separate social classes in the school. Heather C is the obvious prep, but cheerleader Heather McNamara is technically a sporto. Meanwhile, Heather D is a geek. Without Veronica, the three Heathers have far less in common. Their unification is their name, and their economic status. But that's about it. How did they become the most powerful clique in school? We don't know, but somehow they did, and by rights you feel like none of them should be friends in reality. All they can do is get together and make everyone else feel awful to make themselves feel good. We get a vague idea of the dynamics of the group in the opening montage, but we don't get a sense of who's who in depth until the cafeteria scene. We establish the technical minions first, Heather M and D. Heather M exerts her power over Veronica with physical force, Heather D spinelessly reiterates the demand from the top, and Veronica surrenders with reluctance. Then we're introduced to Heather Chandler with more grandiosity. She turns like a classic movie villain to address Veronica and the audience. Her dominance and importance is properly established here. As far as openings go, we get a lot from the croquet scene without getting too much. When Veronica says, "Heather told me she teaches people real life," we know it has to be the Heather that hit her with the red ball previously. But how evil is this Heather, really? We don't know until the cafeteria scene.

Heather Chandler may hold all the power but she's not smart or even clever. She only knows how to play the game. She's risen to power, we don't even know how the hell she got there other than she was ruthless and willing to do what it takes. Really, that's included sleeping with certain guys and getting in with college boys, all while making all the girls around her feel small and inferior. Did she take down another girl in the position? She's only a junior and she's got everyone eating out of her hand, they all want her as a friend or a fuck, even if Veronica knows they think she's a piranha. She's grown up rich, she can have anything, she sets herself apart from everyone, even her own clique, and she is genuinely depressed. If we pay more attention to the frat party montage, we see how disgusted she is in having to blow guys to keep her power. She's trying to make sure she's not a nobody when she graduates and goes to college, but she's still going to hate herself anyway. (There's a missing scene in the script where we discover Heather D has gotten together with Heather C's college boyfriend David, and she's blowing him offscreen, so he's clearly unaffected by Heather C's death and Heather D is determined to replace her in every sense). The suicide note is a true reflection of Heather C, she was misunderstood, she had feelings that went unacknowledged and she was used by people despite her power at school. Veronica only sees the bitchiness, she has the slightest moment of regret going through Heather C's locker and seeing the evidence they used to be good friends. But we don't have the full reason Veronica wanted in, she just wanted in. I could reference the musical fleshing this out in one of the opening numbers, but I refuse to apply it here, I'm only talking about what we see in the movie. There's enough evidence Heather genuinely wanted to kill herself, even JD sees it looking over the magazines in her room after she's splashed through the coffee table. In that one shot, he's got Heather down in a way Veronica could never see her. It's not even a moment of sympathy, in his eyes it's a stroke of genius and it pays off so well Veronica feels like this is all too natural to him.

Heather D, on the other hand, is genuinely intelligent, but she's also very much a geek. She's more classically beautiful, and Heather C has figured out how to make her feel disgusting and small, and as empty-headed as a pillowcase. I'd hazard a guess Heather C knows damn well Heather D could be more and do more and has to keep her down so she can't usurp power. Heather M might not get shit from Heather C, she gets to play along dog-piling on Heather D and Veronica, the two of them really are on the bottom rungs of the hierarchy, but Heather M will never make a play for the crown. As long as she's basically second in command, she's safe. She's allowed to keep cheer leading and she's supposed to have a jocky as fuck boyfriend in Ram, the himbo. She's the sporto representation, and she's also rich and profiting off her parents' wealth and status. She has it all figured out, or so she thinks. Once Heather C and Ram are dead, Heather M's world is upside down. Her boyfriend turned out to be gay (so she thinks, she doesn't even question Veronica and JD's manipulation of Ram's sexual preference) and she's affected by the fact he killed himself after sleeping with her, not even that he might've been sleeping with his best buddy. Everything feels wrong, and she's in no place to take over as the head student of the social network at Westerburg. Heather D knows this, soon as Heather M outs herself on the radio, Heather D is ready to strike even though Heather M isn't even a threat to her rising popularity. Heather D has enough call for revenge, Heather M never really protected her from Heather C, but Heather M turns out to be the nicest one. Veronica comes to her rescue for more than just preventing a real suicide. She cares enough about her friend to stop her. Heather D would've reveled in being the only Heather left, she wanted Heather C out of the picture no matter what and if Heather M has to go, so be it. She gets the crown, and she stands alone. Heather M might really be the most naive and foolish one of them, but she is not the worst Heather.

Heather D's rise to power is masterful compared to Heather C's. The one moment we see she's genuinely a better manipulator is when she's getting everyone to sign JD's "petition". Rather than moan and groan about having to speak to the "scum of the school" like Heather C, Heather D assumes the guise of whichever group she approaches. Every cut in the montage, she's dressed more like the kids she's trying to win over, and she lies to every person about the reason for the petition. She doesn't just use whatever cache she has being a Heather, she may be "red" now, but she'll stoop in ways Heather C never would to get her way, and she takes absolute pride in it. The shot of her basking in her glory is one of my favourite shots from a movie ever. I use it when I'm feeling victorious. The lengths she'll go to just to do JD's bidding, win total domination and smash everyone including Veronica, she was always the most ruthless, the most manipulative and the most diabolical. All she needed was Heather C to get out of the way, she straight up prayed for Heather C's death. She can ditch her eating disorder and do Chinese at the food fair with her new friends. And she can wear Heather C's entire wardrobe, as she admits in the TV interview she does after Heather C's death. It's a subtle hint early on she might use that to her advantage. She's an immediate attention seeker suddenly on all the news channels falsely lamenting the death of her arch rival and best friend, (same difference, remember?).

Heather D is the Queen Bee from the beginning. It looks like her taking over is more sudden than it is, JD knows he can cash in on her bad side with the right leverage by threatening to out her as the school punching bag Martha Dunstock's childhood friend. He inspires her to manifest her existing lust for power, it's not like she had no intention until he showed up. We even see a subtle difference in her outfits before she turns red, everything's a little grey and pink and a lot less green the more confident she gets. The iconic red scrunchy simply seals the deal. JD's got the Heathers figured out from the very start, and Veronica just fills in the blanks for him. He wants to tear them down for Veronica, but once Veronica's gone, he still needs to finish what they started, she's inspired him to exact his own revenge that he may or may not have followed through on without her. He pulls the gun on Kurt and Ram, we can guess he's done similar things at the six other schools he went to. The only thing Heather D is genuinely dumb about is him and his true intentions. She revels in knowing JD's attention gets under Veronica's skin, but JD adores Veronica in his own fucked up way, and he does want Heather D to die, Veronica playing with the idea is perfect for him but Veronica's over it, and over him. The dream sequence is probably one of the best scenes in terms of playing with the idea of the futility of offing Heather D. Veronica finally has a moment where she sees herself possibly becoming the enemy, and how replaceable she is.

Ultimately, we know Veronica will win, she's the new sheriff and Heather D will go the way of Heather C, fading into insignificance as she moves on to college. Heather D won't have a friend like Veronica, who was looking out for her all along, she'll have Swatch dogs and Diet Cokeheads for friends the rest of her life, she'll date guys like David who'll use her until the next hot piece of ass comes along. Veronica's way is the way, not JD's, or Heather's, or Miss Phlegm's

Veronica's going to be best friends with Betty Finn, Heather M and Martha Dunstock. Maybe things will get better and her high school will be the nice place she wants to be. It doesn't make Heather D any less of a tyrant. You get sucked into her meekness, she is an ingenue who's waiting for her moment, and having a chance to be Heather C's clone is the only way she can do this. You can see how uncomfortable Heather M is by this time, you know she's getting shit from Heather D, Veronica's either with JD all the time dealing with his bullshit or avoiding him and everyone. Heather M's got no real friends left, not even the other girls on the squad like her, they don't let her be captain of the team, her parents are "divorced and stuff". She's the most hard done by of the group, who is she without the clique? Who is she without status? Just another lonely rich kid. We're led to believe Heather M might be in charge the way she manipulates Veronica into going on a double date with Kurt and Ram, she doesn't exactly come in and refute Kurt's claim that he and Ram got with Veronica later that night, she doesn't even challenge that with Ram. She's nowhere around, she's off on the sidelines with a yet transformed Heather Duke, laughing at Veronica and JD fighting in the car. She doesn't see Heather D's lust for power until it's too late, she just notices Heather D's not cowering and simpering anymore. She doesn't even care that much Heather C is dead (she’s not in a state over it, she didn’t value Heather C, like everyone else’s prayer, hers is shallow and self-centred, and maybe she didn’t get along that well with Heather C) or put it together why Heather D no longer has the urge to purge. She really has to fall from grace to appreciate Veronica's loyalty. How they end up is perfect, but that one scene in the bathroom is all we get, Heather M's fate's up in the air as to whether she'll keep being a cheerleader or drop out, or where she was even going to college, if she'll graduate at all since she's failing math. Everything we know about her life doesn't become obvious until after Ram dies and she's out in the cold. Again, is she a Heather because she's named Heather, or because she's rich and a cheerleader that the principal would be willing to take half a day off in mourning her? She's got the right attitude to fuck with the eagles, she's got the right looks. But we don't see her and Heather C becoming friends over mutual interests, anymore than we see Heather D divorcing Martha Dunstock for the privilege of being socially powerful.

We don't need to see how the Heathers came to be to accept they just are, but I found it more interesting how there's little to bind them to each other outside of the names. Heather C would never be friends with a member of the geek squad, but she can obviously exploit Heather D and Veronica's desperation to be popular by throwing them a bone. Long as they both do as they’re told. Heather M's a sporto, she's already got social cache by dating someone on a team and being in a squad that would only employ preppy, pretty girls who'd look hot in a uniform, so Betty Finn and Martha are out. But you take all that away from Heather M and she essentially has nothing. I like that we're tricked into thinking she's about to take the helm and that Heather D would absolutely never. It makes Heather D's behavior more fun to watch. Shannon Doherty really did peak with this role, she's the best at doing meek and mild as well as mega bitch. My brother couldn't convince me to watch Heathers because he told me it's a movie where Brenda Walsh gets it in the neck. I saw it by the end of primary school, I don't even remember the first time I did see it, but it infected my brain on a level Breakfast Club hasn't managed to achieve. I watch it way more often than any of my favourite John Hughes movies, even at 12 I had this distinct impression people would never be fair and nice so why would I ever be? I did see it before I saw the Breakfast Club, with my mind, it makes way more sense for me to adore Heathers over the Breakfast Club.

I had to explain to someone on Twitter how Heathers is the ultimate anti-John Hughes movie. It paints a more realistic picture of social circumstances in high school compared to the Breakfast Club. I don't even believe we can get along in heaven, but really the sentiment JD's getting at is, we'll be equal when we're dead and buried. The one thing I could never buy was him killing everyone because he's so fundamentally unloved. He blows himself up realising Veronica's got the balls to really fix shit when he doesn't. There's a weird scene in one of the drafts of the script where everyone's at a heavenly prom, the punch bowl is full of liquid drainer, and all the students are dancing together and getting along, as per JD's dream. I like this isn't in the film, to be honest. I like the way it actually ends. It's more satisfying we never get to go to prom. We see kids pulling down Miss Phlegm's stupid banners while they run outside to see what happened. Comically, nobody cares about Veronica's state besides Heather D, who's naive to the truth Veronica really is about to knock her off her perch. She gets to make amends with Martha without consequence and ride off into the sunset. (I even realised Veronica can't call in a bomb threat to the cops without implicating herself in the murders. She has to play it the way she does to keep off the hook, and the truth dies with JD.)

Anyway, I had to get all that out there.

I want to add an addendum dedicated to Peter and how he's actually the worst character in the movie. I was thinking about the note scene with Miss Phlegm and how he realises Heather was dissatisfied with her life and he wasn't boring. Veronica obviously laughs since she knows the truth, but it only occurred to me he's happier believing he wasn't the problem, Heather being dead isn't an issue for him, plus he gets clout for having dated her, and winning her a rhino at the 4H club (I think this implied they were dating in junior high or much earlier in high school). We know everyone's relating to how her death affects them, there's no real sympathy for Heather, her death makes everyone seem more sympathetic. This movie doesn't get enough credit for the issues it did explore around suicide and everyone acting like they loved the deceased and were closer to them than they were, and how it makes them sad when they probably didn't care or genuinely wanted the person dead. But Peter probably spends the most time worrying about his own ass. He runs the food drive for cred in the year book, and hates Heather's death gets the front page while he's crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon. He's only worried about his college applications and getting Ivy League acceptance, he needs a VHS copy of the "love-in" on the TV for his Princeton application. He prays to God to never befall the same fate as Heather. Everything he does is in service to him and his application, or if he did win a million dollars, he can only think of it in terms how much he'd get after taxes, there's no mention of him doing anything wild or pointlessly noble with it. He's about as bad as Miss Phlegm, his agenda's awful. We see him hanging with another girl at the end, the pep rally has everyone "getting along" right before they're about to die. I just had a look at the Wiki entry on him and apparently he "cares" about Veronica getting double-teamed by Kurt and Ramm. He actually gives Veronica a lot of fake sympathy and he still finds the rumor amusing despite Veronica's disgust. Sadly, the actor later committed suicide so it's sad to think he probably identified with the subject matter without any meaningful acknowledgement. 

I could write hit pieces of sorts on most of the characters. I mean, Betty Finn and Martha Dunstock are the good guys. I like Veronica's stuck between those worlds and we don't know why she sacrificed one for the other, just that she regrets it completely. If it was ever a lesson in choosing the right friends and how easy it is to be influenced by assholes, you'd think more teenagers now would watch it. I don't know if the musical got them into the movie, the musical seems to be too invested in solving a problem of glorifying suicide by mistake, like Christian Slater's entirely to blame for the incel community existing. You weren't supposed to agree with him, once again you missed the point. (He didn't do the same thing in Pump up the Volume either but somehow Christian Slater's duffle jacket, proto-emo, sad boy 90s routine was misread by everyone). Weirdly, the Mean Girls musical movie (that nobody asked for) came out to a tepid response and of course people compared it to the Heathers musical and said the musical version was "better". I found someone's "oh dear" response and added I was annoyed the musical was trying to fix the thing that wasn't broken about it being perceived as satirising suicide itself, not the way the media and people react to it. We didn't need 13 Reasons Why.

Better Break Bad in That El Camino.

I got bit by the Better Call Saul bug and decided to just start from there. Then I thought, well if I'm doing that, why not redo Breaking Bad, as it's been a while. And if you're already on that road, why not end it with El Camino? Not like I have anything better to do.

But going back makes me mad as to how little praise Saul got from the get-go. It was persistently good, even it's okay episodes were great. I mean look at these metrics:

Breaking Bad was better but not by much. And yet, Saul was fucking robbed. Justice for Rhea Seehorn and Bob Odenkirk. They did well with other smaller awards shows but the Emmys were a joke for ignoring this. There was something clever and close to genius with this in the way Breaking Bad didn't do it for me. It's not like it's even a courtroom drama compared to Breaking Bad. It's more amusing but has as much heart, if not more. It's ending mattered more than the fucking Walking Dead, nobody gave a fuck about that finale and that has more disgusting, pointless spin-offs than any show. It was a dying IP, unlike Breaking Bad, Vince still knows when to go out on a high so I appreciate it too. All I'm saying is, Saul was just way beyond outstanding and consistently good yet it wasn't receiving the accolades it deserved and that really shits me now I'm watching it. Sure, I wrote it off as a fan-service vehicle but I'm glad I changed my mind. I loved Jesse, sure, we all did. But I adored Kim and Saul. I gushed over Kim for ages, she's incomparable as a female lead, perfect in the role. Odenkirk was stupidly impressive, it made sense to give him this vehicle and he's doing some impressive shit now, but it's going unrewarded by the real big wig awards, and by god you'd think there'd be some agency you could fucking lodge a formal complaint with by now because I would.

Seriously, though. I wish someone responsible for negotiating contracts at my work watched the first season of Saul and paid attention to the particulars of the Sandpiper case and how penny pinching should be fucking illegal.

Going back to the start of Breaking Bad after being reminded how good Saul was right through, I forgot how awful all the main characters are.

Skyler gets better but she's not the greatest, I also forgot Marie's a shoplifting klepto and Hank's an arrogant manly man who lives to make Walt feel small. Walt Jr was the best. Everyone's just comically awful, including Jesse. The comedy is really good. But I thought it took a lot longer for Walt to become a total asshole. He's mild-mannered for half the pilot, if that. Oh, and there's a prostitute who showed up to make Howard look awful, it's been that long since I saw the show. It was worth watching Saul even to compare the production differences on both shows. Breaking Bad felt more intense with the camera work, it's showing its budget restrictions, which made it more impressive back then. The comedy from Walt hiding his double life disappears eventually. I'm kinda struggling to be as engaged with it compared to when I first saw it, which is also how I'm struggling to remember how the fuck I watched the show other than illegally since I was past watching network TV when it first aired. Walt's so much more unlikable than Saul, Skyler's so much more boring than Kim. Jesse's the ultimate hero and he nearly got written off entirely. Walt's a product of a bunch of shitty excuses and learns nothing, Saul can say the same but he becomes a man eventually, at the cost of his own freedom.

Oh, and turns out Breaking Bad's just reminding me why I won't touch Six Feet Under again.

I decided to keep going and I'm glad I did, however it's more disjointed to see the drastic differences in interpretations of Saul and Jesse compared to how they were by the end of Saul. Saul's outfits are much more understated, the suits are classic colours but the shirts and ties are more gaudy. He has a more gravely voice rather than high pitched whiny. The tanning lotion's not there but he has a terrible mullet. (Also it's hilarious seeing a very young Hector Salamanca compared to Saul, Fring looks basically the same). I also noticed the cameos Aaron Paul did for Better Call Saul were a weird parody of how Jesse really acted. He really wasn't that emphatic with the thug behaviour, he was very subtle to begin with, this felt like he was just playing it up for fan service now I'm seeing how he used to be.

But Walt's so bad. I forgot how fucking awful and deplorable he is, how you're supposed to defend him stepping on Skyler's boundaries, how he's just unhinged until he has to engage with people like the cops while she's failing to prove he's volatile, I'm sure many an abused wife would be triggered as fuck watching that scene. And I'm sorry, but she did nothing wrong. Stop acting like it was all her fault. Walt chooses to put her in this position, compromises her, and then she compromises herself. The guy she has an affair with is objectively a twit in the end but I always backed her doing it and now even more so for how shitty Walt is. (I know she was fucking dumb for taking the money, I know, but she's not the worst). He apologises but then switches gears. He's such a complicated anti-hero who doesn't learn anything. But him being a "man" and "manning up" is toxic masculinity in motion. He might have a couple of moments where he's catching himself but predominantly he's disgusting and unlikable. He negs Jesse and Skyler, he really goes bad immediately, there's no real gradual transition from meek Walt to malignant Walt. He's hyperfixated on money and power, he's mercurial about going into other territories when Jesse's telling him not to. I forgot people were dying within the first couple of episodes, them being a threat is still such a thin reason for killing them. He has a psychopath's reasoning for this collateral damage. I also forgot about the gym scene where the school mourns over the plane crash and he's diminishing the impact with statistics. There's a reason Jesse becomes the real sympathetic hero and Walt is effectively his nemesis, them having a disjointed father/son relationship is a good dynamic. 

Oh, and yeah, Jane died but she was... bad. She does treat Jesse as a pretty disposable option until she realises she can get fuck tonnes of money from him. Walt was absolutely right she was bad for him. Seeing her life outside of it, she's sort of sympathetic until she fucks with Jesse and just introduces him to heroin with barely any encouragement. Jesse's excusably stressed and Jane seems to find a perfect reason to go score and relapse by giving him relief. It made the overdose scene all the more complicated for how she's depicted. She grabs the money and immediately refers to what she can do with it, Jesse's only allowed to come along because he's got the cash but you sense she would totally steal it and bail. So, suddenly Walt's Jesse's saviour but he still defaults to disappointed dad when Jesse fucks up. Meanwhile, Hank grapples with not facing actual PTSD so really he and Walt are two sides of the same toxic masculine coin. He's also a racist idiot who's tolerated by his colleagues because he's a loud, obnoxious white guy. He's so misplaced once he's out of his element.

This is a messy as fuck show, it glorifies nothing. The acting is great. I appreciate we don't spend multiple episodes of Walter just spending the entire time trying to cover himself from everyone, Skyler finds out at a reasonable point in the story, so we can at least spend more time with her grappling with the ethics of defending a criminal while being tempted by the dividends of the crime. I don't know why she wasn't given more credit for actually helping Walt make buttloads more. I don't know if Kim was written to be more sympathetic and tempted by Saul's bad behaviour, like she's the cool, more accepted version of Skyler. I prefer her to Skyler, but I don't hate Skyler. You're not supposed to hate her, so Anna Gunn did not deserve the Joffrey levels of hatred she received. People treat her like some men treat Steven Crowder's wife for not being grateful and wifely enough for ALL their men do for them, even if it's being a total shithead who profits financially from their shitty behaviour. He's doing it for you, lady. You should be grateful. Fuck you.

I'm just watching the bottle episode about the fly, which was supposedly one of the lowest rated but still critically good episodes, and I forgot they reused the "Walt's in a state of sedation and letting info slip" mechanic that revealed his duplicity before. It's less tragic since Jesse misses out on the actual truth but the tension is there, it's not a bad thing necessarily, just a reused mechanic. We only catch Walt in this weird vulnerable moments and they're pivotal it just seems a bit odd to rely on it in terms of Walt dropping his guard in medically induced stupors.

I should add to the stuff about Saul at least, we get to see the famous certificate when Skyler examines it, she decides to meet Saul, but I don't remember him incriminating her when he tells his story about meeting Walt. He's kinda weirdly sexist and condescending to Skyler, he basically butters her up, but as we know she's as smart as Kim, it's not entirely out of character given Kim didn't technically exist at this point, but it would've been a nice moment for him to say something like, you remind me a lot of... and he trails off and changes the subject. I also didn't realise the receptionist shows up more often to be part of their scams, I think we needed to see her grapple more with keeping her job with Saul realising what she was getting herself into after the Sandpiper bullshit. She seemed too nice to be so easily corruptible. He even ended up calling her honey tits and she's jaded enough to put up with it.

I got off my ass to get my laptop just to mention they did the "medicated Walt has a slip of the tongue" thing again when he calls Walt Jr Jesse (and to be fair it's a trope at this point). But the reaction Walt Jr has to Walt being vulnerable for half a minute, that was a tearjerker. Walt's pointlessly a giant mess of paranoia and in heavy denial of the fact. Jesse's failure to poison Fring is so fucking valid, Fring's too fucking smart for Jesse.

Skyler's whole issue with the other guy is a nightmare but she handles it smartly and the twit who doesn't figure it out her generosity. This is all leading up to that horrible moment with the crawlspace, and yes, the optics for her are bad but in defense, Walt's been acting like they have a bottomless pit of cash so how's she meant to know? If anything, it's a commentary on how couples should communicate their personal crimes better. It's not supposed to be an opportunity for wife-bashing. Skyler has cunning, she came off as a nagging, naive wife but she's far too smart for the men who publicly bashed her character online. She stepped up and tried to fix her own problems, it's the fucking dumbass men in her life that keep fucking it up for her. Her plans are solid, she has to endure mansplaining and condescension. She was written to have agency and determination, she's not a fawning sap. Fuck, she's interesting, it's just you want to paint her as the villain to justify misogyny. Shut up.

Ooh another Easter egg popped up. The copper cork with the spikes makes an appearance, too. The guy who played Fring suggested watching Saul first, I'm glad I did for all the little details you can see. So great. And I don't like that shit usually.

I thought maybe I could do a Skyler vs Kim breakdown however that'd take ages to do a compare/contrast. It'd be better to break down Saul and Walt as anti-heroes, only it's clear Saul's the more sympathetic one. Saul's backstory was better illustrated with how his dad was being ripped off and how Charles assumed he was skimming the till. I don't think we absolutely needed flashbacks of Walt's childhood, I don't think we needed to sympathise with him as much as we do Jimmy/Saul. Heck, Gus Fring gets a more sympathetic flashback when his partner's killed. One of his enemy's says "Et tu." I mean that's sick, and he has to drink from a poisoned chalice to win. Walt's problems are all from bloody-minded stupidity. Even him asking Mike not to get mad about Hank sniffing around makes him look like a simp after he goes on about being the one who knocks. He butters up the poor cleaners and gets them deported for cleaning the lab. He's so stupid, and there's a damn reason for that. He's not cool he just does some badass not very dad stuff that made people give him Tyler Durden levels of misappropriated respect. Saul is a badass, yeah he does childish shit right up until the end but he throws it all away just to win back respect of the woman he's likely never going to see again. It's the absolute inverse of Walt's downfall.

Walter White sucks. He's supposed to suck. 

Having said all that Todd's the absolute devil in this, he's a pure psychopath, I've never said he wasn't the worst. He's worse than Gus. He's soulless hiding behind a boyish smile. Jesse Plemons really knocks it out of the park, I'd say he and Aaron Paul were easily the best. 

Speaking of Aaron Paul, I made it to El Camino. The whole thing took me ten days plus this one, I assumed I'd be watching for easily a month. We get an actual movie quality movie it's not an extended episode. We get to see Mike and Jesse have a moment. I like they gave Vince a chance to do something like this. (I also either forgot or really didn't know Rian Johnson directed a few episodes of BB. - I'm going to abbreviate the other shows from now on). I like we get Skinny Pete and Badger recreating that once scene from 40 Year Old Virgin with Seth Rogan and Paul Rudd dissing one another while playing video games (a scene no movie needs but has anyway). Jesse looking like a fuckin' mountain man at this point was a good look for him. Badger looks older and a lot more cleaned up. I really don't remember much of this movie. There's a six year gap between the finale and this movie coming out, I was dubious about it when it was being mentioned but the trailer set me up. I think Jesse did deserve a proper ending. I guess this is Jesse's odyssey to a better life which can only happen with cash. It's also appropriate Paul looks like he's aged ten years from his ordeal, it's not a stretch. Making him look younger for BCS would've been hard. They've found good ways to incorporate smaller players without it feeling shoehorned.

The town's also hot as fuck and crawling with cops, Jesse has too much to contend with. We get a few "flashback" moments where Jesse's bugged by Todd. (I didn't realise it was an Aryan Nation club, I know they had the tats I missed that specificity). Jesse Plemons probably gets more to do now than before, but boy is he pudgier in this. He's Mr Kirsten Dunst now, so that's something, they're doing their best not to focus on him physically. This is my biggest beef with these types of projects is just the pure lack of continuity when you have consecutive finale/movies that have to draw attention away from the real world timeline. But de-ageing tech and resurrecting dead actors is 1000 times worse.

Todd's character being fleshed out to include a dead maid is really dark and still an awesome way to have him play against Jesse and have their dynamic get more screen time. It wasn't like a rivalry for Walt's attention, Jesse had to kill Todd but they've found a way for us to get a better idea of them as a pair than the show allowed, and makes sense of Jesse's Stockholm Syndrome in terms of not escaping and putting Brock in danger. And having Todd being a mild-mannered Nazi psychopath is really great, he's unflappable compared to Fring, like they tricked us into thinking they couldn't make up any other fucked up characters outside of Fring, Salamanca and the Twins, or even Tucco. Other shows should've paid more attention to BB's ability to really keep a story going forward whilst looking back, I've been watching Titans and you lose entire episodes to character development and backstories that bring the plot to a grinding halt, shitty pacing really fucks with a show. It wasn't much of a gimmick to have the cold opens with the ambiguous shots of a later scene, it was also good about how flashbacks were shot in terms of lighting and tone and aspect ratio. Meanwhile, 13 Reasons Why thinks it can pull the same nonsense using the same techniques and it's embarrassing. Also having Jesse watch his shithead parents on TV acting like it's all his fault reminds us how fucking terrible they were. I agree that putting Jesse in jail would've been a shitty ending for him, I appreciate they didn't do this, and Walt and Saul were punished. That was another thing I neglected about Jesse and Todd, Todd weirdly found ways to look out for Jesse's welfare whenever the Brothers were pushing it with his treatment. Jesse's revenge on the guy who helped weld him to his leash is well played. He also rightfully screws his parents over too, even if he gives them a pass on their parenting skills, the little brother's not the golden child which we discover early on when Jesse takes the blame for a stray joint. There wouldn't have been much to get out of him seeing his little brother by this point, we just know it's lil bro's birthday that's more important for being the safe's combo.

The epilogue with Jane's flashback is fitting, maybe she wasn't as bad, given time they could've fixed one another or themselves on their own. Only one of them had a chance. I liked this more than I remembered. Walt's scene is bittersweet. Nothing feels forced or fanservicey. But that's where I'm signing off, it was all as good if not better than recalled. I wish more people like Vince were around being a good guy with wacky ideas. Far as it goes, we got some good TV that didn't drag on to become bad or stale or overdone. We didn't need 20 seasons of this, but we do of Gray's Anatomy?? Okay.

Coded

Getting an autism diagnosis means you start seeing traits in others, particularly fictional characters. I only realised now I think why I was so obsessively drawn to Dale Cooper is he's autistic AF. Even without that knowledge applied to his character development, he is an extension of Lynch and his idea of a perfect boy scout.

Coop is meticulous, attentive and particular, especially about the food he eats. His breakfast orders are very specific, his coffee has to be to his liking. He appreciates the sensory nature of food. He hates disorder, while he copes with it, we don't see it always working. He's naturally inquisitive to the point he overlooks certain commonalities with people's behaviour, he doesn't conduct himself in the most casual of manners, he might miss a joke or two. He's forthright and has an innate sense of justice, he's able to respect command despite disagreeing with it, he follows orders but still questions authority. When he loves, he loves completely and not lightly. Sometimes he trusts too implicitly and pays the price for it while never shifting blame. I think he resonates with me more as I am now as opposed to me seeing myself in Laura's shadow more as a teenager. Reading My Life, My Tapes, he carries that childlike naivety into adulthood, he suspects something's amiss as a kid but can't identify precisely why. His flaws are very lovable. He makes fatal mistakes, and carries his regrets.

I can't watch Benny and Joon now I see her as autistic as well. Removing the schizophrenic aspects of her behaviour, you can fit her better into autism, particularly in terms of rigid need for a schedule and controlled environment, emotional dysregulation and her hyper-intelligence. She's incredibly smart and talented but infantilised by Benny because of her outbursts and erratic behavior. Knowing what I know about psychosis being a comobidity, you could evenly readdress her as an autistic adult. Having a neurological disorder like this can affect the brain in terms of hallucinations and inability to socialise effectively. Every time I hear CCH Pounder tell Aidan Quinn Joon needs to be with her peers, I hear him say in my head, "She hates her peers." That's basically where I've landed, if you forced me to socialise with other autistic kids it would still be hell for me. She's more capable of figuring people out, it's her childlike appearance and behavior that gets her belittled, and looking like a big kid is apparently an autistic trait, we don't appear to be what society considers old. (Having had someone say from a medical perspective I don't look like a 40 year old backs that up, it's not just people telling me that).

I can come up with other characters had I the energy but these are two in particular that are standing out more. I would prefer people recode someone like Cooper as autistic instead of having the representations we have now, like Sheldon from Big Bang Theory (I only realised his last name is Cooper too, so were they borrowing from Coop?) My generation had to grow up with Dustin Hoffman being the only representation available, now they're still using boys for most live action depictions and girls for cartoons. You could sit down with the Mane Six of MLP and find traits in all of them. It could take hours if you sat with your friends and mentioned popular fictional characters. I can't do that. We all saw it in Wednesday and in part with her friends. Now it's glaringly obvious, you may see it where it wasn't intended. I love Abed from Community but only to a degree, some of his behaviour is a gross exaggeration but what's on the surface with him is usually just under with the rest of us, if we unmasked, we'd be Abed.

Queen of the Damned and the goth cringe era.

I watched Interview out of extreme boredom but then decided to give Queen of the Damned for a fucking lark and it's so fucking camp and stupid I'm smiling already. Just knowing this has Australian stank all over it as well makes me giggle like fuck. I don't think I bothered beyond a couple of viewings over a decade ago.

I wasn't a Korn fan but the soundtrack kinda makes sense and slaps a little, Lestat sounding like Jonathan Davis essentially makes sense. The opening credits are just the music videos Lestat described, corny as fuck (pun intended) and in line with what Manson and his ilk were doing around that time. Ugh the shit lawyer from the Castle (he's a bad lawyer not a bad actor, Tiriel Mora) is in this as the band's manager, not just Burt Newton's son. Plus the journos are supposed to sound like Brits but there's one Aussie accent in the audience and god almighty is it excruciating. Of course this is after The Matrix when we still got to put our grubby paws over American productions so we could get kickbacks.

The first kill scene is absolutely lame and neutered, there's no blood in this so far, despite being R. There's a small refrain of music that sounds like something out of the Never-Ending Story. There's tonal shades from the Crow in this as well, it really was borrowing heavily from late 90s grunge and goth. The soundtrack is pretty good it's more amusing Stewart Townsend sounds like every lead singer from then. (They manage to find a bunch of Jonathan Davis sound-a-likes for this soundtrack).

The Talamasca's got other Aussie actors, I swear I must've blanked them all out. Getting the blood tears and a more accurate representation isn't worth the epic cringe level on this. The Dr Who from the bad movie (tbf I didn't hate this) is playing David, a much, much younger David but fuck, at least he's in it. Oh, and I forgot Marius is Lestat's maker in this. I always forget they shoehorned the second book in here but botch it up anyway. I have erased about 95% of this movie from my brain. I totally get Magnus isn't that interesting and Marius is, but Lestat's making is really flaccid. Marius is using Lestat the way Armand wanted Louis, they get younger conduits to the outside world. Christ, even Marius's collar looks like a pair of bat wings. This also sets up the idea Lestat's ego was too big to go ignored. There are enough liberties taken with this you can't say it's a good adaptation. Anne did at least contribute but I think her version is barely in this.

Visually, it's not a terrible looking movie. It's lit terribly, (I think some is day for night) it looks cheaper than the original but it's not shockingly bad. It's really the acting that fucks it. The temple where Akasha's kept is how I pictured it structurally but the stone looks fake. Lestat's ego-driven nonsense really comes out of him being Akasha's pet. I didn't picture her as I did in this since the copy of the book I had depicted her as a tall white woman, which is erroneous really. The horror elements are absolutely cliche as well. I can see why I forgot so much of this because it's so horribly forgettable. It's desperate to seem creepier than it is. It's also hard not to think what other franchise derived some of its looks from these movies, but the make up in this (the vampires anyway) is pretty fucking bad. To be fair, I think I subconsciously borrowed from this for something else as well.

The special effects aren't much better. Playing Jesse and Lestat as lovers really only fits in this movie. He negs her for the most part while she plays groupie. This seems heavily forced from a producer perspective, you had to give Lestat a love interest despite Jesse being much more discerning and less fan girl. (The little Aussie fan girl was from Heart Break High, I think, I wish I could remember, her face is so familiar.)

Marius gives Lestat shit for being gauche which is hilarious. A lot of this seems to be more like what winds up in the Prince Lestat, where he's peak brat. 

The sound effects in this are absolutely god awful too. The soundtrack actually does so much heavy lifting to keep this from being legitimately terrible, it's more or less the only thing they got right. It seems it should be more visually grandiose than it is.

Lestat hangs out on a satellite dish that was probably in the Dish. Seeing so many Aussie soap stars in this does to my brain what it did during the Matrix, I was just noping all the way to the nope bank because I knew they weren't American. If you didn't know who they were, it probably didn't wreck your experience as heavily as it did mine. It really played out like these kids thought they were going to get a leg-up in the Hollywood scene rather they were there as cheap labor and I can't seem to get people to understand that aspect when it's a well-known trope that smaller budget movies depend on lesser-knowns and the Matrix fit that profile. We facilitated a lot to those movies and people just ignore our contribution.

Jesse still comes to the show despite getting an eyeful of what Lestat's really like. It gives off more Buffy and Angel vibes. Marius plays with David's psyche. The plastic devil tridents in the audience are so fucking laughable, yes, this is Melbourne's finest goths and they show up with Red Dot Halloween props. So adorbs. So much of this is Anne's idea of what Lestat would be as a rock star, so this scene could've been so much worse than it was.

And here come the laughably dressed, poorly made up ancients, who needed way more introduction than they got. This whole scene wants to be more epic, but it's failing in parts. It was a pretty big ask to pull this off so they did their best, I guess. To be absolutely fair, this music is probably better than what Anne was thinking of considering this was supposed to be 80's rock, not late 90's. Marius bemusedly going along with the whole concert shit while Lestat fights off the fiends is hilarious too. He's like a happy little kid reveling in this. The audience thinks it's all fakery which is fun until Akasha yeets Lestat out of there, which is sorta cool I guess. Akahsa also has Suicide Squad Enchantress vibes. Lestat also gets an American Beauty rose petal bath, which was all the rage back then.

I get why laymen thought there was a lot of fucking in these books. Lestat's still not getting laid, FYI. I did ship them when I was reading the book.

Maharet's house is more stony than I pictured too. But she's not much of a redhead, which is stupid, but Lestat's not a blond. So for all the bother they did trying to be authentic they still fucked this shit up. Pick a lane, movie. Pandora's just decked out in a cheap looking belly-dancer outfit. It wasn't hard to pull off a lot of these looks from a costume shop on the cheap, goth fashion also included a heck of a lot of turn of the century coats and dresses which were horribly impractical in Australia, but I was tempted to buy a very cool long coat from one store. We lost a lot of goth/punk clothing stores in the last ten years.

This final confrontation has absolutely no gravitas, it's so fucking lame. Akasha's reign of terror is just a courtyard and a beach of bodies, the scale of her butchery is toned down. Lestat's just simping for her, he doesn't want to kill Jesse except she's down with it, like she can somehow get him back off Akasha. Jesse's fundamentally boring in this, none of the characters have any fucking depth at all. God, Bert Newton's son looks so fucking stupid. Maharet is stuck against wall in the background with her hands up and you're meant to think she cannot move. Khayman says nothing, looks like an idiot and dies, same with Pandora. They barely establish Akasha's the font of life, it's more she plays herself by letting them drink from her so Lestat can rip her to shreds. Mekare not being in this at all makes sense but sucks anyway, the explaining the mute twin and Maharet being blind would take too long.

Lestat and Jesse give David the journal back which is fucking dumb too, then tempt him with immortality. Jesse put on some black eyeliner and sports some teeth and she's all happy to be Lestat's girlfriend and shit and they get to just spend immortality as obnoxious 20-something goths. Marius rocks up to "kill" David, which is just ick as well but playing Marius as some trickster god is fucking lame too.

The soundtrack continues to hold up the lame, goth baby ending. I can imagine so many kids loving this outside the context of the book.

It wasn't utterly bad but it's still absolute trash. You could genuinely watch it without seeing the first movie, there's really nothing that crosses over,  not even Louis, and he didn't play a big part in it. Louis has to take a backseat to other characters in the series, it makes fucking sense. But then they all got ignored or butchered by AMC anyway.

I've heard a few things since AMC's release of Interview With the Vampire about the gay sex subtext and people arguing over the potential of vampires to have sex. I was going out of my brain trying to find evidence of Enkil being castrated and had to find an academic paper that reminded me Akasha and Enkil became Isis and Osiris, who was cut into pieces and the phallus wasn't found, and so was later fashioned by Isis so he could be resurrected in full, so therefore vampires are impotent. Now evidence of them getting raging permanent hardons is also in the texts but again, fucking doesn't happen. They can't procreate, I think that's where the confusion is coming in, but this text (which I'm very tempted to read in its entirety) mentions the ability of vampires to penetrate and "procreate" through the bite and with teeth makes the female vampire more sexually potent and masculine. It also suggests male vampires are performing a feminine function of nurturing another vampire with their blood. The sexual and gender ambiguity was what made her vampires more sexy, it wasn't about sex it was all the sensuality of the act of feeding and biting. When Lestat is in a human body, he has penetrative sex for the first time in centuries, and initially it goes horribly wrong, (it's a r*pe scene). Later, it's an act of consent with a nun, and this feels more romantic until the nun finds out what he actually is and goes mad. 

The distinct lack of sexual congress in the books up until this point should've made this evident but I'm convinced so many people who are familiar with the first book didn't read to this point, were obsessed with the movie and demanded Lestat and Louis finally make out on screen. It was fucking infuriating to me and anyone who had any sense of what their relationship was. Allegedly all vampires are "bi" after changing, if they weren't bi formally (from memory, I have to say Marius was probably the most bi-coded outside of Lestat). I'd rather say pan, but regardless, they're sexual, sensual beings that don't have actual sex. They love to make out and do a lot of physical stuff, my developing teenage brain was obviously looking for more of an intellectual depiction of sex. But Body Thief is one of my favourite books because it was such a diversion from the other three. The whole point of it was Lestat yearning to be human again and the folly of making a deal with a body snatcher who wants his vampiric power just for the sake of being human. Given immortality can make a vampire mad, and Lestat can no longer die, he seeks out being human, and this is a big mistake. I was fascinated by the humanity that had to be addressed, and also, I had to rely on other people's parents who happened to own the books to realise there were MORE than three. Otherwise I'd probably have gone a while before seeing more books that I'd not read and I was excited for more. As it stood, Memnoch was published in 1995, (Body Thief came out in 1992 so I wasn't that far behind) so I think I got it not long after it came out, I started reading the series that year and distinctly remember wanting it. This is all pre-internet era so finding out when books were coming out was impossible. So I caught up pretty quickly so I could read it, (to be fair I think I wasn't entirely in a rush) and it's a fucking slog of a book but I loved it. I must've been a much more voracious reader since I had definitely finished all four of those books, plus Memnoch, and had read The Witching Hour, Lasher and Taltos by the end of high school. I think I read Blood and Gold before Merrick despite them coming out the other way around, I had access to the internet but didn't look up much about it. And I must've read Armand before the end of high school, I'm sure I did. I know I read the last two before Prince Lestat when they came out.

I just wish I could remember the reading parts I've ejected all of it from my memory aside from the content itself. I was excited to get them all on my Kindle and read from the start, until Lestat (and Witching Hour) weren't available. I want to reread Memnoch eventually. I did recommend Interview to a fan of the series I hate but warned it might be boring. I'm thinking about actually bothering to read Vittorio since I was like too big a fan girl to bother with any of the stand alone books that didn't have the OG vampires. I'm kinda sad I hated Prince Lestat too much to keep reading and the Atlantis slant put me off. I should just read them for funsies at this point but I also don't want to hate read her stuff. I was only so infuriated by Blood Canticle's ending and so relieved it was "over" with both chronicles. As such, I feel like they fact I did fucking read them at least makes me more of an authority over people who fucking didn't.

The books were good but seemed to suffer from diminishing returns or lack of editing. Armand and Blood and Gold were good, Merrick wasn't, I remember being frustrated by it. It was really up and down and seemed more a case of being done under duress. If I get a voucher for Christmas I'll at least get Vittorio and read it. I don't know why I didn't since it just seems to be like a vampire romance with characters closer to my age. There's been some debate over the appropriateness of Armand and Marius's relationship but I can only defend it on the grounds of historical accuracy, not from a moral standpoint. I'm just realising I used to read a lot and now I don't. I was accused of not being that big a reader by university and in truth, I couldn't read or write for pleasure back then, so no fucking wonder I got so fucking depressed. Once I was unemployed I did read more books and having a job made me buy more books to read on my lunch break. I just don't remember reading books except when I wasn't supposed to (in class or during assemblies) or generally had to. I mean, I read Catcher in the Rye for pleasure, I actually wasn't assigned many novels to read in high school, I think Lord of the Flies was one, I assume our English teachers were smart enough to know forcing kids to read entire books was pointless unless you dedicated class time, whereby I would braid my hair while I read and be accused of not reading, because my autistic ass could actually multitask a passive activity with an active one. But I feel like reading a bunch of crap nobody's telling me to. Some books I just gave up on, I have a bunch of books I got as presents I haven't read at all. I'm glad I read Imajica even if it infuriated me. I swear I've read a lot of books.

 

You can make money making a list of thoughts about a movie - Empire Records

I hit a Buzzfeed article about someone rewatching Empire Records (which I did the other day) and I thought I'd get a decent review/think piece on the movie. No. Turns out this girl just gets to watch the movie, make a numbered list of chronological thoughts and preface it with a copypasta paragraph as to what the article was about.

I agreed with her points but felt ripped of. I would've sat there just typing shit out then weeded out anything that was extraneous or stupid. She also agreed about some of my points on the Craft and wished they'd basically have ended it the way they did in the second movie with "girl power" moves. I hate the ableism at the end but at the time it was still an iconic ending, and yeah, it inspired me to try and do spells and give up vampires and just be into witchcraft for the rest of high school. I think I liked the aesthetic but me idolising my friend's mother, who was a total delusional crackpot who didn't even seem to have a job, was really naive of me. And my friend wasn't very smart either, I can say everyone else was a gullible idiot but I was too.

I was more pissed to find out I could have a job at Buzzfeed doing this but my pay would still be dependent on clicks. And maybe she suggested the pitch in a meeting and wanted to do full reviews, and her boss was like no, we only do numbered lists at Buzzfeed. When we're not cosplaying as serious journos.

I had to come here and write that out, I was annoyed but still roped in anyway, and it was nice to see my thoughts were the same. Empire Records is a fucking mess of a movie, Pump up the Volume at least had a story line, this basically doesn't and it's a day in the life movie, there's no plot, which I think made it stand out because it was so bizarre and idealistic of teenage life in a record store. As an adult, you're just Joe at this point questioning these kids and rolling your eyes whenever they lose their shit. (Seriously, watch Joe's face when Corey goes off, he's just "Kill me, please.") But he was convincing in his sincerity these kids matter to him. Anthony LaPaglia was a weird one to export to the US in the 90s but he's great in this. Everyone is entertaining, I even had a brief argument with someone at school over Robin Tunney wearing a wig in the Craft because she did actually shave her head. It suited her, her whole character is genuinely the best, she's weirdly aspirational compared to Corey or Gina, you want to be hot and pretty like Corey with Deb's attitude. Meanwhile, Renee Zellweger in this is actually kind of awful, when she's toned down she's okay, and her throwing pills at Corey is iconic too, but some points she's really overdoing it with the trying to be a snarky teen, some of her lines are cringe, even Sinead O' Rebellion is just ugh now, it was the biggest line in the movie. Oh, and "Joe's Money" is good. Ugh, I'm torn over her. (I still wander around the house saying this whenever I hear about a greedy corporation doing questionable shit for profit. Having to work for a non-profit who gave money to profit based companies while people were just delusional as to why they were getting greedy, this was my only way of making humour out of it.) AJ, Lucas and Warren playing off each other makes for good comedy but again without a story the movie's like a bunch of vignettes trying to get the character development done. It doesn't make the movie unwatchable just messy. Marc's still pretty great, but when you met that guy in real life, he was such a pain in the ass, as well as Eddy. Bronco's just there. And I found out later people were creeped out by how old he was vs the rest of the cast, and he was Liv Tyler's stepdad too apparently. What, do you want Steven Tyler in his place? Actually, no hate to Steven, he's actually a nice guy who sang lullabies to Tori's kid*. Also, chemistry-wise, Deb and AJ smolder in that one scene they're dancing together, like that is pure hotness, and his chemistry with Corey is kinda mid. You also don't see them on screen enough, I think there's a whole thing with them on a pier that got cut out, so you just see AJ pining over an oblivious Corey without any real reason as to why other than he just has a big crush and they look like they'd make a cute couple. And they were always in love anyway. They needed more time developing that, again I think it was cutting room floor material. Maybe we didn't need to see Marc wasted watching GWAR but that scene is also iconic.

It also just occurred to me Deb and Lucas are the smartest characters in the movie, even Lucas losing all the money it's still based on insight and concern that comes off as foolishness, he thinks it's noble to try and save the store. Deb passes out buttons that basically predict the future by being insightful, especially Corey's button, since she's completely dishonest. Deb's the only one who can logically help Corey with her meltdown, I like their scene in the bathroom, it's almost like Claire and Alison's moment in the Breakfast Club, they find some mutual understanding but it doesn't turn into a cheesy hallmark moment, like Deb says; she's not a hugger, you're not going to get emotions from her but Corey's "funeral" at least allows her to finally accept sympathy and love and allows her to be vulnerable. I love how she's still holding it all in when she talks about the lady Bic incident, it's absurd but it's not funny. She's clearly embarrassed but nobody really mocks her. It's a weird way of everyone dealing with the aftermath of the tension but it's not a terrible scene. Yeah, the Buzzfeed girl found it questionable to mimic a funeral for a suicidal person, I don't think it's that bad, the whole point is to make her feel seen. It's a good play on how 13 Reasons glorified people committing suicide for revenge, maybe if they'd held a fake funeral for Hannah Baker things would've been okay. It seems to be self aware that it's a confessional more than a funeral and Deb just lies there impatiently until all the honesty from people make her give up her own hypocrisy and admit she needs someone to care about her. We've all been Deb, it's why people love her character, (well, I did) Robin Tunney was such an underrated 90s actor, I think she just wasn't conventionally pretty but her acting was amazing. I remember seeing her in something with Arnold and it was a pretty trash movie but I loved the story at least. Ugh, I also forgot she was in Encino Man too. Anyway, Lucas is apparently acting "weird" all day and basically the group's substitute Yoda, I don't really understand he wasn't like that yesterday either, was he just less Yoda? He's still a fun character to follow, him being chill with Joe is fun, he's got a lot to work with and he's not really the bad guy, he's also seeing things the other's are delusional to, Corey's not fine obviously, it's actually pretty sad AJ can't see it, again his crush is entirely based on her positive attributes, you feel like him discovering her drug addiction would've elicited more concern, the Buzzfeed lady also pointed out nobody even bothers to address this at all. We're left to concede she's not Little Miss Perfect and that's the end of that, yeah again, really irresponsible but also 90's movie. Hell, not to reference Breakfast Club, we still get some catharsis after Brian admits to being suicidal, laughing at the situation isn't that insensitive it's more they're acknowledging the absurdity of a flare gun being used in a suicide, it's like trying to shoot yourself with a firecracker, it's dangerous though but of course Brian's too much of a geek to find access to a real gun (if you remade the movie, it wouldn't be a stretch that Brian's parents are conservative enough to own a gun he could easily access), it's absurd as Deb trying to cut herself up with a shitty plastic razor and failing. There's a shot of a messed up locker at the start, each locker belongs to a character, maybe you're supposed to assume it's Bender's but his is obvious. (Someone on Reddit complained Brian's mother paid no attention to the fact he was suicidal. Sometimes you have to explain to younger kids mental health basically didn't exist in the 80s. John Hughes tried to draw attention to how badly kids were treated for being kids). I could sit here all day doing intertextual comparisons to different movies, I'm pretty good at it. I lost the thread of Lucas being a smarter character than the others in the store, we don't know anything about him until the fake funeral and his motivations weren't selfish, he's found a weird way to pay Joe back for taking him in, it's sweet but I can see it making no sense logically when Joe should've called the cops from the start. That he doesn't is part of the vague as fuck story we get, at least Warren is the voice of reason telling Joe Lucas is the bigger thief. He's cast really well, he looks more age appropriate than the others. But every time I keep trying to consider Lucas it's only in the context of how he relates to the others. Maybe he's the narrative glue holding the group together the way music holds the world together, he clearly considers them a family however we have to acknowledge this is their senior year job and everyone's about to split to go on to other shit eventually. The store's the main character. It's fine. This movie is fine.

I can see why my brother hated it and I loved it, it fell into this weird pocket of 90s films that were affected by where you were developmentally, plus I had no film critique ability (well, I had some but it was minor), so I was going off the vibe. It's a cult classic for my age group, really.

Addendum: I just wrote an addendum to this and lost it, but I was trying to get through this with horrible sensory issues and couldn’t deal with it, I went back now it’s not as bad, but I can definitely see how Gen Xers hated this and millennials kinda ate it up, it was younger Gen Xers trying to convince them music is everything but at least the message was it’s okay for you to be scared about graduating. I was in grade 10 when it came out but I don’t remember appreciating it like that.

*This is the second time an asshole has let my girl Tori down. Steven wasn’t immune to the groupie exploitation back in the 70s but he took it to ridiculous 

Nothing, Nowhere, None of the Time

I'm pretty much alone online in my opinion of Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. I did want to like it, I didn't see Swiss Army Man, it looked too crude, and I think this is what failed EEAAO. It was too goofy. I don't have much to say outside this and the fact it overstayed its welcome, which the Red Letter Media boys agreed with. It was absolutely tedious in its manner of wrapping up an already lengthy story that made its point early on. I did love the little googly eyes on the rocks, it took me two seconds to figure out what was going on. Cinematically, it's very impressive, there's nothing lacking in production values and acting, everyone's doing a good job, aside from whoever edited it.

Once the butt plugs were incorporated, they'd lost me. The profundity fell out the bottom and I was too busy cringing my ass off by that point, it was too wacky for its own good. Yes, we get why everyone has sausage fingers, it's nice you want to express something heartfelt within the realm of the absurd, but the absurdity pulls it out of the emotions it wants me to feel. I had a weird obsession with the multiverse concept after watching an episode of Red Dwarf, it made sense to me, it wasn't profound because I fixated on the universes that differed by minor choices like what you had for breakfast, so like Sliders when the Golden Gate bridge was blue instead of red, otherwise it's identical. It's a fun concept to play with in Rick and Morty, it has potential but it's so much older than Spiderman. You weren't selling me anything vastly different when I'm capable of recognising absurdity and its place in reality.