Friday, 14 August 2020

The Virus that Killed Avatar

I found the list of delayed and suspended films impacted by COVID and I can honestly say there's not a single one of them I give even a remote shit about to be disappointed. There's a bunch of Avatar sequels nobody wants, a third installment of a franchise being torched by a transfobe, (and starring a questionable actor guilty of domestic abuse) and wasn't particularly wowing audiences to begin with, and a bunch of Disney live action remakes I can't draw a breath to watch. Given their recent attempts at reboots have been subpar and stupid why the hell would I be invested in the Little Mermaid? (Truth be told it probably would be pretty cool however someone's already beaten them to the punch with a different take on the story - and it was live action). And boohoo, the Home Alone remake's on hold. I'm sure Mac's just devo.

 Theatre chains will probably be dead and buried by the time these movies are released. You'll end up seeing Avatar 2-5 (We didn't even need one) on a streaming service, making James Cameron cry. Oh, no wait, he's gauging 4 and 5 being made on the success of 2 and 3. Now you can't even finish them, Jim, why are we bothering? How's that ticker of yours? Not being funny, but will you have all your marbles by the fifth installment? I guess Stan Lee was pretty spry but he was also possibly a victim of elder abuse.

After a number crunch only around 16 are new movies. 9 are sequels to franchises that died well over a decade ago, (Avatar is a potential franchise) Disney has four remakes, three of which are previous cartoons, and when you say Disney remake now it won't be identical to the animated version. And 7 comic book movies, some of which are sequels also, were all either had production suspended or delayed. If this were maybe twenty years ago when I actually looked forward to seeing certain films, I'd be so fucking upset. I think I looked forward to going to the cinema not so much the movie I wanted to see (except Super Mario Bros. I can't even explain what my obsession was with the film and I had to wait so long to see it). I didn't know I was seeing the Little Mermaid until I heard my brother tell my aunt I was going while he saw Back to the Future III. We went to the only theatre in town to see one movie (I keep thinking it was a Snoopy movie but I can't remember) and I wound up watching Wizard of Oz, which I didn't like and never have. It was fun until I got to university then it just stopped being fun. But I always went on my own to see shit I wanted when I lived alone. I was kind of annoyed I had to see Hackers and not the Craft because I didn't need my parents with me to see it, and this was right when I was allowed to go alone. I don't even like going now, I get stressed out. I guess I'd be okay on my own in a small theatre seeing something indie, like I did with Secretary. A trip to the movies just became part of our trips to Perth from Bunbury. It was a treat. It was also 30 bucks cheaper. So you're not parading out a brilliant list here, and some of these movies are coming to Netflix anyway. There are a couple of 10th Anniversary re-releases like Scott Pilgrim. (I hate that's more popular now because when shit I hate starts rolling up to that particular date I have to worry about the new editions with bonus stuff). I'm sure it was once considered the lowest to have a release on streaming after a limited theatre run, or with no theatre release at all, but when you have respected directors legitimizing the format, egos like James Cameron start to get all butthurt.

And do we need another Tomb Raider movie?

For a definitive list of impacted stuff: go here

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