Disengaged

I realised the other day I’ve stopped engaging with films and TV shows (and music as well to a degree) and I’m just 100% involved with reviews and commentary. I’m spoiling shit for myself, sometimes I do see it much later when I filter out the info. Or I’m just not prepared to watch the whole thing so I’ll just watch it via not watching it. (If I can find a film a reviewer provides a full commentary track for, I will watch it, it was how I tolerated one film I only got through 20 mins of).  All my entertainment hours are dedicated to YouTube and not movies. Aside from the one Mubi movie I watched the other day, I’ve not seen anything I wanted to see. Our power went out and only one movie I’d consider watching was on but once the power came back on earlier than anticipated I had no intention of going anywhere. 

I genuinely hate going to the movies now, I was way more chill buying a ticket by myself and going in alone during the day, I took a day on my own just to see Secretary, I think I still needed a newspaper to check the session times. I hate I pay for streaming services that don’t give me what I want when I want, or threaten me with removing it if I don’t watch it before they yank it, which I don’t do, I’ll let it go rather than force myself to sit and watch. I pulled out of two movies recently from either utter boredom or a snack incident I don’t want to illustrate (it was during a horror movie too so that’s kind of ironic). And I wasn’t like pumped to watch this shit. I’ll watch whatever someone else wants because Netflix gives me decision paralysis by just showing me bullshit thumbnails, and forgets when I tell it I don’t want the trash I hate reminding me of it. I have to persistently curate my content to avoid shit. YouTube gives me control to a degree, except when it also forgets shit I tell it to leave out of my recommendations, I am PISSED I cannot do any kind of word blocking like Twitter provided, I despise Instagram only scans comments and not accounts and it fails on tags I tell it to ignore. I hate me looking at one thing leads to everything thinking I want more of the thing. I bailed on Electric State in pure anger of its lazy as fuck execution, appalled I was only a third into it and was bored senseless. I try not to get mad since people act like I’m overreacting to how bad something is. This blog exists for a reason. And to prove I don’t like movies, sincerely don’t and no longer care, I didn’t apply for a position for a movie and theatre reviewer realising I have to leave the house to see theatre shows and be involved with the arts scene. I don’t want to have anything to do with it now, or be forced to watch local movies and theatre shows I just don’t know enough about, I don’t want to have the social aspect of showing up, making notes, learning about adjacent shit to make comparative, intertextual statements. I’m so exhausted and disinterested in all of it, and that brings me to a topic that means I’ll start bleeding my personal life into this blog and I do this a lot. I don’t need to vie for attention constantly, chase people for clicks or try to work my way up to a sustainable art based job. I don’t even really like the idea of being in any kind of administration role. I’ve put things into an oversaturated market, I see other people doing the same and then beg for my attention and I have no time for that behaviour anymore. Don’t ask me to commit more to the arts, there’s already a conundrum over buying US products while nobody is realising so much of your media is distributed by US companies if you’re buying, you’re contributing because you have nowhere else to go other than illegal channels. Streaming services never intended on being ad free, everyone’s trying to make more money to live the life they’ve become accustomed to from small amounts of fame, instead of using what you got in those vital 15 mins and saving it for your future. I can’t feel that sorry for people in those circumstances, I don’t want to buy movies or keep subscriptions for shit I won’t watch on repeat. I will try to buy a physical copy of shit I have seen more than once. And that is with the awareness that money will go to Amazon and back to US distributors, because you want me to support the artist. See the pickle that presents? If you add to this the refusal for streaming services to ever release physical media of any kind that they can effectively (and have in some cases) remove from the internet permanently (thus proving only shitty things and bad behaviour live forever, shows and movies do not), you’re making a case for the resurrection of piracy. And in light of that, YouTube reviews and commentary are turning into the only way some of us engage with a piece of media because we’re restricted by region locking and limited distribution and streaming exclusivity. We can’t give these people money so we have to find other means, it’s beyond a joke. I’m spoiling my movies by watching reviews and I want to see them, I want to experience this shit and you simply refuse to make that process easy.

Also, I’m very into commentators being industry adjacent even if I’m not a fan of the way they present that information, I appreciate people who aren’t enmeshed with Hollywood finding a platform to discuss what we can’t get from mainstream media. I appreciate YouTube doesn’t gatekeep as much information as mainstream media does. I know it’s being actively censored all the time, but there’s less of a filter. I sure as hell won’t migrate to the TV streaming platform it wants to introduce. But I have to resent it for raising people who don’t have talent high enough to get deals people at the bottom can’t get. I will always hold resentment for the internet and social media being a culprit in drowning out more talented voices. I’m not appeased by the freedoms offered to even produce media from unknowns.